Torn
by N7star
Summary: Ellie Shepard is torn between the love of her life and her sole mate. She struggles to find her way in this love triangle, but with the help of her right hand woman, kasumi, I think she can manage. (Not very good with summeries…) femshep/Miranda femshep/liara warning: smut
1. Chapter 1

There was a light. No. A sunshine. Before the darkness engulfed me, took over me. Her face. That's what it was. "Ellie! We have to get out!" The voice echoed in my head. The next time I saw the light it was…brighter too bright, but the heart wrenching panic also came with comfort. "Shepard," i felt the touch on my arm as if it was still there, "it's okay, calm down. Just relax." The faint voice in my head along with touch dispersed from existence. Leaving the bottle of whiskey and me alone.

Shepard took another shot, it was probably gonna be the tenth of many. Miranda, her second in command, right hand man, was probably watching her, Shepard had a feeling about this type of thing, she felt someone's presents, breath on her neck, "hi Shep." The accented voice whispered, Shepard turned to face the voice. Nobody was there. "Either I'm gonna even more insane or kasumi is here." Shepard mumbled running a hand through her hair. The figure appeared on her bed, of course it was the master thief, kasumi goto with a mysterious trademark smile on her delicate face. "Guilty as charged." Shepard didn't want to see anyone happy, it sounded selfish yes, but didn't she deserve to be a little selfish? I mean she's saving lives of trillions of people she didn't even fucking know but yet she gets shit in return. You get promoted and everyone thinks that's a great honor, no that's just more shit on your tiny little platter.

"I know you wanna be alone right now, but you can't be." Kasumi said, "look Shep, you see things people never will ever see, but you never do normal things that people take for granted everyday. For instance…love." Shepard looked up at the master thief, but kasumi didn't met her glare. "Shep. I know. We all know. You're head over heels in love with Miranda. trust me I've been there, but everybody also knows that we're docking at illium in at least three hours." And what the fuck did that mean? Just because liara was there doesn't mean everything's gonna be fucking cute and everything's okay. Shepard died. Dead. Gone. Maggot food. Rotting corps. And she's not the same as she use to be, or that's what liara was probably gonna think. "And so what goto?" Shepard clenched her fist. "I'm not going to reunite with anyone. I have a mission. Feelings are shit. And shit are feelings. She doesn't love me, nobody does, so called fans of me love me but don't support me, so why the hell am I doing all this kas? Shit. Might as well say its just to save my own ass, but even my own self support is slipping away." Kasumi got quiet before speaking, "anything can happen Ellie…you just have to see it through. I think you should talk to Miranda, about liara that is." Kasumi stood up, "I'll talk to you when you're not so philosophical and emoish." Shepard heard the whoosh of the door suspecting kasumi had let her self out leaving her alone once again. "Dammit." Shepard reeked of liquor, she became disgusted with her self. She stripped naked and walked to the bathroom she turned her shower water on hot, hoping to steam away her demons. Shepard hung her head in shame while the water poured over her sore muscular body. "Commander?" Ringed the AI, edi. Shepard groaned. "Yes?"

The AI took a while to answer, "operative lawson would like to come in, do you give her access?" Shepard turned off the shower, drying off quickly and changing into some gym shorts and a Cerberus thermal, it was night time on the Normandy and everyone had been asleep, of course not Miranda. "Let her in." Shepard said exiting the bathroom, she walked down the stairs to her bedroom area before The doors swooshed open revealing the operative in not her usual attire. She was wearing a Cerberus gown and rainbow fluffy bedroom shoes. Shepard sat on her bed looking up at the operative. "Lawson? Something you need?" Miranda nodded, her hands were still behind her back. "just checking on you before bed." Shepard smiled, something about Miranda just made her wanna hug her and keep her safe. "Is that really what you came for lawson?" Miranda smiled, "I…no. I just wanted to thank you for saving my sister again." Miranda brought her hands in front of her, she held a raggedy old falling apart at the seams teddy bear. "I know this is weird and very unprofessional…but this is Humphrey Horace. My teddy as a little girl, he helped me sleep and kept me safe from my father, I talked to him all the time and told him secrets…" Miranda blushed, "this is kinda embarrassing but…I still talk to him to this day. And I want you to have him. To help you." Shepard snickered, Miranda's the most adorable thing she has ever seen right now. Shepard took the bear gently, it had different color, blue and red,button eyes one hanging out on a string, it was dark brown and all stitched up, it had character it had been through a lot. "It reminds me of you." Miranda said softly, Shepard smiled. "I love it Miranda, thanks, but I can't keep it, it obviously means a lot to you." Miranda shook her head with a grin, "no…I have oriana…" Miranda blushed slightly, "and you in a way…like a friend." Shepard stood up and walked to Miranda. "So I'm your Humphrey now?" Shepard teased.

"Well…yes. Yes, you keep me safe, you always interrupt me from work so we can have our childish pointless conversations, and I feel like I can tell you anything." Shepard smiled, "what's your favorite color?" Miranda tittered, "really?" Shepard leaned closer, "alright real question, can I kiss you?" Miranda smiled and laid a finger on Shepard's lips, "goodnight Ellie." Miranda winked, swaying her hips as she walked out the door. Shepard plopped down on her bed with a goofy smile on her face, "…curse her and things she makes me feel." Shepard looked over, there was the old bear sitting with slouch beside her, she picked it up with care. "Well it's just you and me…you're kinda cute for a raggedy old bear, so about those secrets lawson told you." The bear stared "…and I'm talking to a bear," Shepard laughed. "How'd Miranda just talk to like its nothing? It's insane…but adorable." Shepard crawled into bed with Humphrey beside her, "lights off." The lights turned off one by one, the only light that was left was the blue calm illumination of the fish tank.

* * *

"So what's this about flaying people with your mind?" Shepard smiled, liara turned around, "Ellie I…" liara ran up Shepard and gave her big hug, "I thought…" she bit her lip told back the tears. "I can't believe you're here… I mean I knew you were alive but…I am so glad to see you." Shepard smiled her legendary smile. "Wow…li, I…" liara smiled so bright her face might have cracked, "I just…. I can't explain this feeling! It's like…I don't even know." Shepard chuckled, "joy? Happy?" Liara pulled Shepard by the shoulders and crushed her lips to hers, liara slid in her tongue and battled Shepard's, but she pulled away. "I can't…Ellie I just have something's to work out before we talk any longer." Shepard raised a brow, "what?" Liara placed a hand on her forehead, " just go. Please." Shepard shook her head and stomped out her office. A crew in tow. "Do you see how fucked up my life is?" Shepard yelled, kasumi threw her hands up, "what. The. Hell. Well that's women for you Shep they're a mystery and you just got to figure out the case." Shepard didnt care what fuck liara was, asari, book, toilet. There was no excuse to why she would kiss her and throw her out. "Fuck you goto."

* * *

Sender: Liara t'soni

Recipient: Miranda lawson

Operative lawson would you please inform Shepard I need her help and will be a boarding the Normandy tomorrow, I'm afraid she has blocked off all contact from me."

From, LT.

Sender: Miranda lawson

Recipient: Liara T'soni

I'm afraid I cannot do that. Have a nice day.

Love, ML.

Sender: liara t'soni

Recipient: Miranda lawson

Excuse me, but I'm pretty sure you have no involuntary control over commander.

From liara, with love.

Sender:Miranda lawson

Recipient: liara

I hate to be that guy to point this out to you, but with all due respect of course there's a reason there's a block list and friends list.

Xoxox, Miri.

Sender: liara t'soni

Recipient: Miranda lawson

I see…well I hope you know that there is a difference also between a hit list and a friends list and you are smart so I suppose you would know which one i will put your sister on if you do not give Shepard the essential information that I have passed on to you and please save us both some time and do not test me.

Heart, liara.

Sender: Miranda

Recipient: liara t'soni

Don't you dare touch her! I will have you dead in the next five seconds if you touch a hair on her head! I swear I personally will put the bullet right between your eyes."

From, Miranda.

No reply.

* * *

**So did you love it? Hate it? Like it? Should I continue? Review if I should review if I shouldn't.**


	2. Chapter 2

"So what do you think about all this garrus?" Shepard said shoving her mouth full of ramen.

Garrus took a moment before talking, "…you know you could always just you know talk to them. Liara always has been quite difficult to understand."

Shepard nodded. "Well i can see you're not much help, so Kas. What do you think about this?"

Kasumi waved her hand dismissively, "oh no. Everytime someone gives you advice you act like a total bitch. Well i wont do it."

"What? Not true garrus back me up." Shepard said defensively.

"Shepard maybe you should brush your hair more thoroughly." Garrus said as his mandibles twitched with amusement.

Shepard crossed her arms, "and maybe you should join a gym fatty." She shot back not missing a beat.

"See?" Kasumi smirked, "you can't handle the truth."

Shepherds jaw dropped, "I can too! I just didn't have time to brush it today. So it was completely unfair for him to point it out on my one-off day."

* * *

Miranda sat her desk, typing speedily on her terminal, she couldn't eat, she could sleep, she couldnt do anything but work. Liara couldn't really hurt oriana, could she? No. The illusive man would never let that happen.

Miranda looked up as she heard the soft whoosh of her door opening. Her shoulders fell in relief as she saw the just as sleepy commander standing there with a bright smile on her face.

"Hi." She said softly. She was eating something which was nothing out of the ordinary. Miranda bit back the smile that oh-so desperately wanted to spread across her face. "Eating again i see." She stated teasingly.

Shepards laughter filled the quiet room,"what can I say? I'm fat on the inside."

Miranda couldn't help but laugh at the statement, it too hopelessly true not to be funny. Shepard moved quietly to mirandas lounge area, she plopped down on her couch with a big sigh. "You know ive never seen you on this couch, isn't this a waste of your illusive douches money?" Shepard asked jokingly.

"but if i rested and didn't work. Wouldnt that be a waste of his money also?" She said as a matter of factly.

Shepard stood up, "touche Lawson. Touche."

Shepard pulled up a chair beside mirandas, Miranda imminently tensed up at how close they were. "Come here often?" Shepard tried lamely.

Miranda failed to stop the smile that crossed her face. "Are you hitting on me?"

Shepard shrugged, "is it working?"

"not in the slightest."

Shepard let out a dry chuckle, "fair enough." Shepard cleared her throat, "I was invited to a party and i was wondering if you'd like to go with me. I would ask liara but you know…"

Miranda smirked, "are you asking me on a date?"

Shepard rubbed the back of her neck. "I…yeah. Yeah i am."

Miranda smirked, "well I suppose I can squeeze you in my busy schedule."

Shepard smiled, "well don't I feel special."

* * *

"Two hundred...ugh...two hundred and one...did i make my point? Or should i just keep going another hundred?"

The hooded thief sighed, "i was kidding shep, obviously Miranda wouldnt date you if you were out of shape."

Shepard stood up from the floor, "we're not dating Kas." She jumped up and grabbed the pull up bar. "We're just good friends." Shepard began to do her pull ups. "Now...ugh as you were."

Shepard heard the open and close of the door and a faint, "hey Miranda." in the distance.

Hey Miranda? Shepard thought, no couldn't be, Lawson never works-

"Commander. Nice to see im not the only one keeping fit."

Shepard didn't even meet eyes with the person, she knew the voice in an instant. "Ah, Lawson. What brings you out your liar today to workout? Come to do your yearly squat?"

Shepard could have sworn she heard Miranda trying to stifle a laugh. "Although you don't often see me in the gym it takes a lot to keep my body this way."

Shepard did her twentieth pull up, "you don't say Lawson? Well, if you wouldn't mind me asking what is it that you do to keep your body the way it is?" Shepard teased.

"Well you're are right about the squats but I can assure you I do more than one."

"What do you possibly need to do Lawson? You're a biotic so that burns your calories and not to mention you're already so perfect."

Miranda cocked a brow, "perfect hm?"

Shepard dropped down from the bar and swaggered over to Miranda. "Well I would be lying if I said I didn't appreciate your Curves Lawson." Shepard ran a hand through her damp hair, giving Miranda a suggestive look.

Miranda laid a hand on Shepard bicep, "well then in that case i would also be lying if I said I didn't appreciate your muscles."

"My ms. Lawson are you hitting on me?"

"Commander." The ai's disembodied voice rung out through the gym splitting the tension like a knife through butter.

"Damn and i though joker was a cockblock," shepard gave out a long sigh, "yes ed?"

"Illium eta twenty minutes."

"Thanks ed." Shepard said pinching the bridge of her nose, the last thing she wanted to do was see liara.

"Logging you out Shepard."

Shepard smiled, "well. Yvonne. Would you like to come with me to illium? I ask you this because kas and i are going shopping and i didnt wanna drag you along against your will."

Miranda froze, "what did you just call me?" Did she just say what i think she said.

"Oh yes i went there." Shepard smirked cockily, "what are you gonna do about it. Yvonne."

Miranda suspended Shepard in the air with her biotics with a satisfied look on her flawless face. "Now what did you say."

"I said what are you. Yvonne. Gonna do about it." Shepard smirked. Oh how she loved messing with Miranda.

"Hey! Whoa-" miranda flipped shepard upside down, taking a step closer to the childish redhead. "We can do this until we dock commander its fine by me."

"Yvonne. Silly Yvonne. You just wait until i get down you're in for a hell of tickling with a side of nuggying."

"Id like to see you try."

_**twenty seconds later.**_

"Okay! I give up! Please just stop!" Miranda laughed in pain.

"Okay. Yvonne, who's the best commander in the universe?" Shepard smiled as her fingers danced across Miranda's now sore belly.

"You!" Miranda laughed tears streaming down her face, "you! Ellie Megan shepard!"

Shepard finally stopped tickling the girl,"now I hope you learned your lesson Yvonne."

at the moment all Miranda could do was pant and flip Shepard off. "Screw...you."

"Screw you...?" Shepard drawled.

"commander." Miranda rolled over on shepards bed on her side, once shepard got down from miranda clutches with the help of kaumi of course, shepard chased miranda to her cabin and cornered her just as planed.

"Oh so you think you can just make yourself at home in my cabin Lawson?"

Miranda sighed partly because she relieved Shepard finally stop calling her by her terrible middle name. "I think i deserved it from the brutal torture i just endured."

* * *

"Shepard i had an urgency to share with you, but ms. Lawson would not pass on the message." Liara addressed softly.

Shepard was in commander mode and once she was in commander mode. She was a hard ass and there was no way to get her out of it.

"Is this true Lawson? Did you hide important information from your commanding officer?" Shepard asked softly.

Liara had a slimy smirk on her face, she had seen the commander like this only once and that was when kaidan stepped out of line and spoken freely, without permission, about her and liaras relationship. And lets just say that's the reason he was left on virmire.

Mirandas heart thumped fast and hard in her chest. "Commander, ms. Tsoni threaten my sister and i and i wouldn't stand for it, also you did not at the time want any contact with ms. Tsoni so i thought it would be best if i shared the information with you at another time."

Shepard nodded, "liara, why did you threaten my XO along. with her sister?"

Liara frowned, "shepard why are you listening to her, what she did was wrong and either way it goes she hid valuable information from you. I just simply encouraged her."

"Hmm...seems as though they are both manipulative shep." Kasumi chimed in.

"Kas. I love ya, but shut up you're one to talk mastertheif." Shepard said massaging her temples."

Kasumi smirked, "guilty as charged."

"Heres whats gonna happen," shepard started. "You two will no longer have any contact with each other, liara if you need me message me on my private terminal and stop threating everyone. Miranda no ones going to hurt your sister i can assure you of that, but don't ever keep important info away from me ever again. Now are we clear?"

"Yes commander." They said in a union. The two met each others gaze. Oh, this is far from over.

Kasumi smiled, "oh this. Is. Gonna. be. good."

* * *

**a/n: just curious whose side are you on?**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: if you didn't get the Yvonne joke that's the voice actor for Miranda lawsons name, so I decided to use that as mirandas middle name. and I thought I would be funny if shepard teased her about it. anyways enjoy this chapter follow review fav and enjoy.**

* * *

"You promised me you'd do it li!"

Liara twirled her thumbs together, "Ellie, i do not know what you and Ashley will gain from me asking kaidan what rim job is-"

Ashley and shepard busted out into fits of snickers just furthering liaras frustration. She stomped her foot in triumph, "alright! Fine! Very well I'll do it."

Liara stomped over to kiadan alenkos working station full speed, ashley and shepard stopped laughing and looked away but still listen closely.

"Something i can do for you tsoni?" The handsome soldier asked.

Liara softened and came back to reality, "i uh...i would like to ask you something." She said softly, she could hear the two marines at the nearby table stifling their laughter, only making her blush.

Kaidan cocked a brow, "okay? Shoot."

"Well... i just wanted to know what is a rim job!?" She blurted.

The two marines at the table began to laugh hysterically, falling over on each other for some kind of support."

Kaidans eyes widen but quickly softened as he laughed at the asari. "Liara, if don't know at your age i dont think you ever will."

Liara ran off in shame and embarrassment, shepard on her heels in an instant. She grabbed liaras arm. "Li. Where ya goin'?" Liara was almost on the verge of tears.

"Shepard i made a fool of myself. In front of everyone."

Shepard frowned, "no no don't cry li, you didn't make a fool of yourself. Its my fault. Hit me. Kick me. Hate me. Just don't cry."

Liara sniffled, she bawled up her fist and punched shepard in the chest as hard as she could. Which wasnt hard at all.

"Better?" Shepard bit back her smile, liara was too cute even when she was mad.

Liara nodded and laid her head on shepard chest. "I am still mad at you." She whispered, but she clenched shepards shirt for comfort like child as she hugged the marine.

Shepard sighed and wrapped her arms around the asari. "I know blue. i know... what do ya say i show you what a rim job is."

* * *

The three woman walked along illium, trying to avoid that bitch reporter who seemed to be everywhere shepard didn't want her to be.

"Aha! I knew your were with Cerberus." The report, khalisa said as she came from behind a column.

"Oh god not you. Just the bitch i didn't wanna see." Shepard smirked. "Its been a year and you're still not married i see. Not to shocked though. I hear your dry ass vagina scraping together as you walked."

Miranda smiled softly and gave shepard push on the shoulder from behind, "i thought that was two pieces of cardboard rubbing together."

kasumi laughed, "ooo burn that was so cold your nipples are showing."

The reporter smirked, "you know what i just got all that on tape! Youre going down." she stomped off with her video bot in tow.

"Hey lawson." Shepard smiled.

"Yes commander?"

Shepard began to walk, "good one."

* * *

"Shepard just stop moving, i almost got it."

"This is terrible Lawson. I can't go anywhere with this huge cow lick on my hair." Shepard whined.

Shepard fidgeted and squirmed in the chair as miranda roughly brushed her hair. "Stop moving around shepard! If you want this thing gone you'll have to wait ." Miranda said with a big smile on her face that had been there since shepard walked in the door with the huge cowlick right on her hairline.

Shepard swatted Miranda away, "ok stop! Does it look that bad?"

Miranda could not resist a laugh, "no of course not you look kind of charming with if i do say so myself, even the great commander shepard has a bad hair."

"Well you never have one." Shepard said pouting like a five-year old.

Miranda never thought shepard, the butcher of torfan, the sole survivor of akuz, would act like this, she couldn't understand or even think how the woman before her could even smile again. But she did, at least every ten seconds, she couldn't even think how this woman can be so perfect in every way without any help or some sort of bio engineering. Miranda pondered everyday about this and she always had no answer, she had tried to ask Shepard herself but all she had gotten in return was a simple. "What?" It was stupid for Miranda to ask in the first she knew she wasnt gonna get any kind of answer out Shepard. Well, an intelligible one anyways.

"Really?..cute even?" Shepard smirked.

Miranda rolled her eyes playfully, "yeah commander."

Miranda played with peculiar piece of hair, "absolutely adorable."

Miranda didn't notice what she had said or what she was saying until a smile laid on shepards face. "Ha, thanks i guess if you get reassured of something its best to be reassured by a perfect girl."

"flattery will get you everywhere." Miranda said as a suggestive smile played on her full lips. Miranda laid a hand on shepard knee, meeting shepards gaze with an innocent look of her own.

Shepard leaned in closer to miranda, "well in that case you have the most kissable lips ive ever seen."

Miranda slyly slid on top of shepards lap, "just how kissable are they commander?" The beauty whispered in the red heads ear.

Miranda was a master t seduction, always had the prey quivering under her, she would break Shepard. Oh no. she would destroy Shepard.

Shepard wasn't going out without a fight, she never did, yes it would just easier but who didn't like a challenge.

Shepard laid both of her hands on mirandas thighs, caressing them lightly when her fingers make small circles. The game was set. Whoever kissed who first lost and neither of them had ever failed in their life and the werent starting now.

Shepards finger tips crawled their way up to mirandas core. Running a finger down the slit through the tight cat suit. Miranda wanted badly nothing more but to resist the urge of pushing against the finger, but failed miserably. She let out nearly audible sighs and moans as Shepard kept a steady rhythm.

"aren't playing fair i see." Miranda said as her eyes fluttered close.

"alls fair in love and war Lawson." Miranda could hear the smirk in shepherds voice.

"call me Miranda." Miranda said softly.

She felt Shepard had stopped massaging her making her open slowly. "what?" she said with a concerned look.

Shepard stared blankly. "ms. Lawson. Ms. Lawson. Ms. Lawson! Operative Lawso-"

Mirandas eyes flew open, "what the-"

"operative Lawson." the ais voice rung out through the dark room.

Miranda ran a hand through her hair resisting the scream that wanted to burst out. "yes ed." she groaned loudly.

"commander is in the mess hall and i am sure she needs your help."

Miranda sighed, she threw her covers off her and climbed out of bed. Ignoring the slight wetness between her legs. She slid on her bed room shoes and scurried out the room.

"oh hi Lawson...whats up?" shepard smiled innocently.

There was a mess everywhere. On the walls. Floor. Ceiling. Miranda couldn't even describe how angry she was.

Shepard smiled nervously, "i can explain."

Miranda crossed her arms, "well im waiting."

Shepard turned to the counter behind her, when she turned around she held a plate with a piece of wheat toast two sunny side up eggs two strips of bacon and in the other hand freshly squeezed orange juice.

"i also made pancakes but i ate them...all of them."

Mirandas face softened, "what time is it?"

Shepard shrugged, "4:54?"

Miranda sighed, it was too hard to be mad at Shepard "Come on," Miranda grinned slightly. "Lets leave this whoever cleans up."

Shepard smiled brightly and followed Miranda back to her quarters. "Sorry if i step out of line when saying this but you're smoking hot when you just wake up."

Did she really just say that? Knowing my luck this probably just another dream. "Really? Because i feel hideous and sleep deprived." Miranda said taking the plate of food from Shepard.

Shepard smirked, "sleep deprived? Do you want your teddy to sleep with you?"

"Depends...which one?"

"Depends...which one do you want?" Shepard smiled.

"Depends..." Miranda said sitting on the couch beside Shepard. "can i have both?" Miranda took a bite of the eggs, she held back the urge to devour the entire fork. She let out a huge moan. "Ellie."

"Wow havent heard a girl moan my name like that since two years ago." Shepard smiled.

Miranda rolled her eyes playfully, "im taking about the food, its amazing."

Shepard shrugged. "What can i say? Girls love a marine that can cook."

Miranda let out a laugh and then scoffed, "i change my mind they're not that good."

"Shut up you love them." Shepard said nudging the agent.

moments like these make Miranda think maybe, just maybe things were worth fighting for.

Shepard brushed a hair behind Mirandas ear, "Miranda. Can i kiss you?"

Did she just call me Miranda? Wait, what did she just say?


End file.
